I Will Make a Difference

My name is Trina and I am a survivor. A survivor of domestic violence. I am no longer going to hide this fact or be ashamed of it. My mission is to empower other victims.

It occurred to me recently that I've met survivors and people in recovery from all kinds of things....survivors of childhood abuse, survivors of cancer, recovering alcoholics, recovering gamblers, survivors of sexual abuse, recovering addicts...but I've never once met someone who admits to being a survivor of domestic violence or abuse.

Is there even a support group for DV victims, like there is for so many other things? I've never heard of one. The commercials on the radio have to beg and plead for these victims to even seek help in the first place. I've been wondering about this phenomenon for a long time now, attempting to wrap my mind around the whys of it all.

Why do people (men or women) abuse others in the first place?
Why do victims stay?
Why do victims not even realize that what is happening is abuse?
Why do we continue to call it "domestic violence" when many times there isn't any traditional violence involved?
Why is it still so taboo?
How do educated people suddenly find themselves in a bad situation with no way to get out?
Once the victim is removed from the violence, then what??

It should be called "domestic control" because that's what it starts out as, you know. Women don't willingly walk into relationships when all that's offered is hurt and misery. I've met many of these women. Many of them have normal jobs, healthy children, and one would never know what's going on behind the facade.

Well, not unless you look closely. If you look closely, you can see telltale signs. The smile that doesn't quite reach all the way. The eyes that dart around warily. The checking of the cell phone to make sure the kids are okay. The forced laughter.

And here's the thing that makes me wonder more than anything else. When people DO see or even suspect the truth, why don't they actually pull the victim aside and say something like "You know, you don't deserve to be treated like that. This situation is not healthy for you. I care about you. What can I do to help?"

Instead there are whispers, pointed fingers, judgmental comments made behind backs. "I don't know why she puts up with it....I would never....maybe she likes it....why doesn't she think of the kids...."

As someone who has been through this, I urge those of you who see someone in this situation to NOT judge, to NOT whisper, but to offer that person an ear, a shoulder, a safe place to sleep for the night, a ride to a safe house, a friend to take her to the police station, someone to stand beside her in court.

What I would have given for a friend like that. I'm going to keep working on this and I promise, I WILL make a difference.